I'll find you at th end of th rainbow.

SHIFTED, AGAIN.

2009-09-01T20:37:00.000-07:00

MOVING TO,
http://dollkisses.onsugar.com/

:D

As promise.

2009-09-01T15:40:00.000-07:00

The camera pictures.

Im still smiling thinking bout the happy times yesterday.

Looking at the time now is 3:39. i remember how anxious we were looking at the watch to strike break fast time. :D

Oh well, i'll just give myself a rest.

Toorahs.

Tremendous Fun!

2009-08-31T23:51:00.000-07:00

Today was splendid. Today was fun. I had tremendous fun with Elisbby and Daniel. & of cos, my one and only boyfriend.

Met Izzati and their friends at Grandlink and all. It was fun, till i dont know from where i should even start.

From meeting all of them cliques in SSS and all the way home.

Should hv more of this outing.

i love you people, for real!

Love.

2009-08-30T16:24:00.000-07:00

Like what Genniebby told me, if he loves you for real, he'll see none of the flaws that you have.

For god created each person with their own flaws.

Thanks Genniebby. like i say, i love you, for real too.

One in a million pictures posted.

2009-08-30T04:23:00.000-07:00

Sapau/Bbykai/Bbyphy/Bbynad/Seluar/Gemok.

cute, right? AWWWWW!

WANTED! ^^

bobby c dear, you grab all of these pictures if you wanna.

so anyway, i've post half of the pictures that was taken during family outing yesterday.

half of it is still in the camera. will upload it if i already got hold of the cammy(the name of my camera. lol!)

boyfriend tagged along and it was okay. will or will not elaborate on that later. so, bought my kebaya, thought of going red this year, but nah, i'll be going green this year. but mummy will be buying a red one for me as soon as she has the time to make a trip to geylang. & mummy bought me a maxi dress,. hell yeah its super gorgeous! i mean the dress okay! (: oh ya, before i forgot, i saw epul there, at the bazaar. sucha coincidence. really. he was asking me for Qamarul's number, but i had to say, i forget his number as i dont wanna prolong the conv. i was taken aback to the past when i saw him. oh well. anyway, proceed to airport to break fast there. break fast at Swensen and it was heaven, really!

proceed to Giant megastore and walk around since parents wanted to buy a radio for maid.

was bored and so, boyf and me proceed to ikea. my hand was so itchy i cannot stop touching and testing out everything there is. childish i know!

mummy called and said its time to go home. meet up with them and proceed home. it as super tiring as we're fasting. oh, now im fcuking hungry. will be having my sahor in fifteen minutes. cannot cannot wait! (:

Been feeling detached and so disconnected to boyf eversince this fasting month. we will be meeting each other on alternate days only. i dont know. on the days that we never meet, he will nvr entertain. he will sleep till late afternoon, wake up and break fast and then just text me saying he's gonna go for Terawih prayers. and when he's home, he didnt even wish to beep me when he text me up saying he misses me. i mean like, come on boyf, what the hell are you doing when im not around? is it wrong for me to be feeling a lil bit of insecure? okay, a lot of insecure.

but then, nothing could clear my doubts. and when the next day, we meet, i'll be feeling angry. while you put on face like as though you dont wanna meet me and entertain me.
If only you feel what i feel. then you'll realise, im not all happy and gay.

END.

Family Outing.

2009-08-30T04:00:00.000-07:00

End.

FUCK

2009-08-28T04:09:00.000-07:00

MY NINETEEN STICKS OF CIGGS HAS BEEN TORN INTO TWO BY THE POLICE. FUCK THAT. SERIOUSLY.

THEREFORE WE SLACK AT THE CARPARK AND THE 'ONE-IN-A-MILLION' PICTURES WILL BE UPDATE SHORTLY.

FOR NOW, SCREW THOSE POLICE.

changes.

2009-08-25T20:21:00.000-07:00

baby, im sorry.
i just need you, yet you're so far away.
why werent you there for me like how you used to?

Whats past will remain as the past.

2009-08-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

Happy 19th birthday to this particular boy who was almost mine. & forever will be almost mine.

Hope you're doing fine. Hope you're happy. Hope you're having the time of your life now.

Whatever it is, have a blast on your 19th birthday. Take are.

Kaibestiebaby & Coach dear, Thank you for being there and listening to my problems/feelings. I appreciate it truckloads. Thanks dearest. I'd still be cracking my brain now thinking bout what's not suppose to be thinking. I love you two, a lot!

On the other hand, life was been calm ever since the fasting month. Alhamdullilah.

Oh, im already late for school. Toorahs readers.

I miss you and i started to feel the emptiness.

2009-08-23T16:20:00.000-07:00

Picture above was when Boyf's Aunty treated me and Boyf's family to Fish&Co.

I swear the glass was freaking big. I couldnt even carry it.

*Overdue Pictures.

Picture above was when Boyf when for the SI auditions. (:

*Overdue Pictures.

Happy fasting to all the Muslims(:

Takde nak puase yokyok ye. Takde nk puase stgh hari pon.

Tak tau malu ka? Haha.

So, its the 2nd day of this fasting month. The ambience changed and i love this Ramadhan ambience.

I could even take the chance to lose weight during this fasting month.

So anyway, break fast with Boyf's family at Geylang. And went to survey this year kebaya at the bazaar and hell yeah, it was super pack. Like SUPERDUPER pack.

I was perspiring like a pig!

Went back home at 11pm sharp. Daddy in law sent me home, change into my shorts and went back down to ton with the usuals.

As for today, wont be meeting Boyf as its the fasting month and he has to go for his Terawih prayers with his friends. (:

He's being sucha angel. Awwwwww.

Break fast gonna start anytime soon. Toorahs.

Boyfriend, AKU RINDU KAU!

hurt

2009-08-20T12:24:00.000-07:00

noi has been sleeping at my house for the last two days and it was okay. i have company at home for two straight days. anyway, if ever you are feeling down, imma phone call away.

watched where got ghost wiith boyfriend and noi and **** th other day. goddamit. it was hilarious, i tell you. it is a very good movie with morals. (:
proceed to harbourfront right after that to collect boyfriend's speaker. and 80-ed home. went to school the next morning and completed my Autocad test. With the help of my classmates, i passed my test.
soon it was lunch time, went Simei to buy ciggies. And went home.

been feeling rather insecure these days. it is like, he has someone else. and it looks like she likes boyfriend. urgh, everything is in a whirl. i dont know why i hv been feeling this way. it is eiher i think too much bout all of this stuff or its just true.

whatever it is, its breaking my heart. my heart is aching so bad and it feels sick alr. i wish somebody would hear me out. but nobody could sense if something is wrong, even boyfriend.

tmr is phyzani's 1 year and 6 months anniversary. but still, i am the only one looking forward to it. i wonder if he realise it.

ive said my piece, toorahs.

Once.

2009-08-17T09:34:00.000-07:00

I am becoming more like Coach.

Feelings get all mixed and hyped up all of a sudden.

Whats happening to me?

Boyf and me are back to normal. *wide smile*

Although there is some stuff i wish i could tell him.

Whatever it is, i'll just go with the flow.

Oh haters, you can never kill me with your insults. Instead it thrills me.

Don't get too carried away with your pity-case to be seeking for attention in people's blog.

Good luck to you haters aye.

ARGH.

2009-08-15T12:52:00.000-07:00

FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Nad inserted pictures into the computer by connecting her phone usb and now this new cpu has been infected with stupid viruses and my phone cannot be connected.

DUMBFUCK OR WHAT?

I'll be putting passwords on the computer as soon as boyfriend installed the anti virus.

I dont care what others have got to say.

FUCK.

IM FUCKING ANGRY AT HER.

WHATS NOT WHEN I ALREADY TOLD HER THAT SHE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO CANNOT CONNECT HER PHONE TO THE NEW CPU.

WHICH PART OF IT DOESNT SHE UNDERSTAND?

Pfft.

Baby i miss you.

2009-08-14T20:09:00.000-07:00

I

MISS

YOU

ALOT, ALOT.

Baby, where you go?

Lonely.

2009-08-14T11:57:00.000-07:00

Maybe, you are not my Syazani anymore. Your soul aready died.

This Syazani is different. I dont know how&why, but i cant seem to recognise you.

Im sorry.

But this love have gotto stop somewhere sometime.

Although i just can stop loving you.

Seems so quiet and lonely. Seems like i have nobody.

The silence makes me tense & it feels like its been long since i laugh.

I feel like im being compressed in this stressful life of mine.

I have you, but it feels like noone's there.

Im yearning for nothing much, just to laugh and smile,

With you, the love of my life.

Whats the point of being together when everything doesnt seem right?

You changed and i lost someone to confide.

Maybe, i may not mean much to you anymore.

So, why are we still hanging on and not saying goodbye?

Maybe it's your eyes, your smile.

Maybe it's your laugh, your touch.

Maybe its how you manage to make me laugh when im down.

Or maybe it's your love, that got me addicted, to you.

But now, it seems like i've lost you, where's your soul baby?

I feel so disconnected to you, i can no longer feel you.

Oh baby, why must you leave me so cold here all alone?

When you're the one i needed the most, right now.

Maybe it's your eyes, your smile.

Maybe it's your laugh, your touch.

Maybe it's how you manage to make me laugh when im down.

Or maybe it's your love, that got me addicted to you.

You're my ecstasy, my sugar fantasy.

Baby, im addicted to you.

-PHY.

END.

For a friend, With love.

2009-08-13T19:37:00.000-07:00

To Coach,

I feel you, dear. But chillex alright? The sun will soon shine on you, trust me.

Im feeling whatever you're feeling too. Trust me, i really really do. Look on the bright side of life dear. Things will get better. No worries, we will catch you when you fall. If there's anything, im a phone call away.

Although its easier said than done, as long as you nvr give up, you'll rise to tha top baybeh!

Smile dear.

END.

Reminisce.

2009-08-12T18:45:00.000-07:00

Have you ever look back when actually, you've actually moved on? I mean, sit and suddenly reminisce about your past, good or bad. I don't know why i've been thinking about my past lately. Sometimes, i'll just laugh and smile thinking bout it. But at times, i do tear up and just wonder why everything have to happen and why everything have to end so fast. im not trying to be emo here. That is so not me. But im merely typing my thoughts down on this dear blog of mine.

As i look back, i notice so many people have change. So many things have change. & many people have take their leave, one by one. I've also notice, how good times have already turn bad. How much, i treasure those people now than before. I was so naive to think that, my past could last forever. I was so foolish as to make stupid acts and decisions before. Well, i was younger at that point of time. Many people walked in and out of my life, those good ones, those bad ones. I yearn to go back to the past, to see myself doing those foolish acts and being so party-people. When i was already single and living life or even way before all that and all this now.

Those life when i couldnt even go home for 2 years. When guys hurt me, cheated on me, abuse me and when i was a player and also when god open up my heart again but i still get cheated and all over again. But although many shits happen, i at least have taste a bit of what life is all about. the bitterness, the sweetness of it.

My past, have sucha great impact on me. I swear it does. Especially, those whom i've hurt and those who was almost mine.

END.

Smth Random?

2009-08-11T13:47:00.000-07:00

sometimes, beautiful memories can hurt. who says only the bad are capable of it? cause in the end, you'll get hurt and disappointed wondering, why am i blinded by this beautiful incident to notice that you know, we were never meant to be. hve you ever wonder? if i am the only one who supports this quote, then i must be unique.

& i realise there's a reason why your favourite past didnt make it to the future.
just like you and i, like you and i, dear friend.
you suddenly came rolling into my mind.
but excuse me dear, i gotto make a move.
Goodye dear friend, although i wish to say Hello.

END.

With Love.

2009-08-10T17:05:00.000-07:00

With Love With Love With Love.

Dump this shit babyboy. Lets rise to tha' top.

Blessed.

2009-08-10T12:58:00.000-07:00

SUPPPPPPPPPPPPPP~

Okay, it has been long since i last update, i guess. Anyway, have been spending time with boyfriend for the whole four days, including today. & i am very very happy.

Boyfriend tonned at my house on friday till saturday, as usual.

Dont feel like sleeping thus we slack with the 113 peeps and yea, could say it wasnt as fun as it used to be. But still, i was feeling fine.

Went to the Rentak Singapura concert held in Republic Polytechnic. Hell yeah, it was superb! Hady Taufik and Didicazli was there. Not forgetting Sleeq. It was one hell of a great time i should say.

Went to grab a meal which is held near boyfriend's dad work place. and right after that, i was sent home. Boyfriend insisted to ton with me on that day.

113 peeps insisted on going to Anchoravale Cc and take a walk around. Walk from my place to our destination. Yes Yes, it was super super tiring. Imagine us, walking back again?

Me and boyfriend were talking nonsense throughout our journey to and fro. As we were damn beat.

Reach home around 6 and pack my stuff and off to Boyfriend's house. Slept there with Boyf and woke up exactly when the clock strikes 530. Bath and get ready to go out since its National Day. We reached Marina, meet up with the peeps and was just in time for the fireworks and we have such a nice view from where we stand. It was beautiful!

Went to PrizeStage as Naddkecyk wanted to play the game so bad. While walking around looking at all those beautiful stuff toys, somone text Boyfriend. Sharifah's the name.

Sharifah: eh, you join Singapore Idol ah?

Me(Boyfriend wanted me to reply it): who are you?

Sharifah: Sharifah la dey.

Me: (PIST OFF) oh. ni fiza. ya, he join SI.

Sharifah, Oh, then did he get in?

Me: No. Why?

It was a moment, i felt like running away, i swear. Although Boyfriend wasnt the one who started to msg her still, its very heartbreaking. I showed attitude and Boyfriend won me a Mickey Mouse and its super cute i tell you! I was feeling better, but not okay yet. Feeling so moodless and angry, i gave that Mickey Mouse anyway.

Anw,

Walk around and finally, off to Funan to fill our stomachs. But it was just me and Boyfriend though. Off home right after that.

Argue with Boyfriend for a while over some pathetic stuff, i should say. Oh whatever about him.

I proceed to 129 without boyfriend but with Kaibestie and Kalisha.

Talk to Kai and Coach bout my feelings and problems. Yes, they're great listeners.

And Coach, i didnt expect you to really understand what i feel. Thanks dear. :D

& todays plan is to just slack over at Boyfriend's house and go home as per normal as i've got school tmrw.

Overall, my weekends was well spent.

Baby, every word you said,feels like it's killing me with a blade,

piercing me through my open heart,which i already carved your name,

you said we could always talk things out,But in the end, we'll end up in a fight.

whats the use of saying you love me,when all you trynna do is hurt me.

Maybe its you or maybe its me,But i think we're through cause,

we've been fighting over every issues.My friends left me, now its you.

oh god, tell me, do i deserve this?

do i deserve this?

'baby im sorry' is what you'll always say.when im already bruised and battered.

tell me if all this is worth it?to be hurting me, over this piece of nothing.

nothing i say could make things right.instead it feels like im burning up the fight.

maybe its me or maybe its you, but i think we're though cause

we've been fighting over every issues. my friends left me, now its you.

oh god, tell me, do i deserve this?

you know whatever you may say,whatever you may do,

even if it hurts me, i just cant stop loving you.

END.

the feeling.

2009-08-07T22:20:00.000-07:00

although we may fuss & fight, you're still mine at the end of the day.

I LOVE YOU, DEAREST.

SICK!

2009-07-30T12:05:00.000-07:00

Still sick and it seems like i am dying(i know, i am exaggerating!)
my heart is beating slowly, and i've been having short breaths.
hopefully, i'll be fine soon.
will be going out with family today.
and somehow, it expands to a much bigger family.
daddy invited baby, alal(sister's boyf) and joan(brother's gf) along.
will be having our meal somewhere in bedok and maybe will be going to cash studio to karaoke!
serious shit, i really cannot wait!

i need to get some more rest. fancy me updating aye.
takecare readers!
:D

Youtube.

2009-07-29T12:04:00.000-07:00

i am very very proud of my baby.
baby got talent!
keep it up baby!
im always here to support you, sayang! (:
check out his videos alright?
just search for zaniTV on youtube.

:D

Unfaithful.

2009-07-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

i dont know why but i still have doubt
about you me and us
maybe everything is working out
but i am still on the search to find trust

tell me is it fair, for me to be feeling this way
sometimes, i wish i could just run away
im sorry, im sorry is all you could ever say
from the quiet night till day.

i wonder if you knew, how much pain i felt
it was one of the biggest issue that i have dealt
i was lost and confused, and i dont know what to do
because i've got nobody to turn to

the world seems like it was crumbling down
i even wanted to attempt suicide
my everyday smile turns into a frown
i feel unimportant when you push me aside

why must you be unfaithful?
when i was so true to you.
i dont know how i could be such a fool
to think that everything you said was true

i was blinded by your love,
to see that you were full of lies
but im grateful to the one above
for letting me realise that its time to say goodbye
.

-Written by, Phy, 29.7.09

Random thoughts.

2009-07-29T09:48:00.000-07:00

im down with a fever, sore throat and a running nose. i am currently feeling so effed up and uncomfortable now. i just took my medicine and i should be feeling drowsy in no time. i hope i'll be feeling better soon enough. fingers cross.

i laugh when i read kate's blog, olin's blog and lastly my sister's blog. reminds me of the childish times that i went through too when i was their age. arguing over some pathetic stuff? oh, what the hell. kate nk step gerek ngn sume org lagilagi lower sec. suke bodek bodek ngn org. kental nk mampos abey nk step besar. :D olin plak, gado ade logic tapi mcm minahrep. :D nadiah plak, hot tempered marah aje tak sudah. :D
gegegegegegk~ kekek la satu satu. but anyway, settle it soon aye. & if you need me in anyways, i am here. & kate, at least people hate my sister for who she is. not like you, acting all nice, putting on an act so that, people will be nice to you and won't hate you. please, stop being so fake. & have your own originality. :D

i know me and my sister may have our issues. but sometimes, this girl just irks me with her pretence.
:D

Imma songwriter,photographer now.
i've got work to do. toorahs.

suicidal, depression and effed up.

2009-07-27T11:59:00.000-07:00

baby~

i dont understand, why must all this happen
when we were just doing fine
you've got a lot of things to commit yourself to
i understand although you left me with no clue

i wish you would understand, what i feel inside
i didnt mean to let you feel, so stressed and depressed
all i need is just a little bit of attention, a little bit of connection
to make me whole again

i never ask for much, just part of your heart
to keep me warmth and feel as if you care
but you're tearing me apart
leaving me in despair.

i've been feeling all these feelings,
that has been playing in my heart
it sounds like a sad, heartbreaking music
& its making me sick.

i thought you're the one for me,
but i guess i was wrong
but you leave me be
singing this hurtful song.

i never wanted much, just you and me
to make this life, the way we want it to be
but these cloudy clouds are covering up our view
& colouring us blue.

there is part of you i do not understand baby. maybe im self centered or maybe im not.
i dont know what more to do with you and us.
its feels like we're falling apart
where's the baby i used to know?
who'd sacrifice and who'd love?
this pathetic lil girl here, who's now alone.

you killed my heart, you killed my soul.
maybe we're not meant to be, right from the start.
so, goodbye?

Fucker.

2009-07-25T19:15:00.000-07:00

My saturday sucks big core.

Fuck.

I hate you.

maybe you are not ready for this relationship.

pictures.

2009-07-21T22:12:00.000-07:00

you're a coward.

2009-07-21T15:02:00.000-07:00

Hello people.

Today's date is the 21st of July and that marks Phyzani's 1 year 5 months.

I am, very, super, duper happy that we've gone a long way.

& i am very sad too that we can't spend our anniversary like any other anniversaries we celebrate as you've got school that ends at 6 today. -.-"

oh heck.

dear tomtom,

we've gone far, and i know that we'll be able to go further than this, 17 months. insya allah. being with youn is the sweetest thing even though i fall in and out of love with you before. you taught me so much that i didnt know. you taught me what life is really about. & i thank you for that.

we may have our fights, but you will always be the one that i adore, forever more. i swear.

you changed my life, you've changed me to a better person. you make me realise that money isnt all that is on earth.

its not about buying fancy branded stuff, its not about standing out from the rest, its not about showing off that you always get whatever you want, its not about being arrogant and boast about all you get, its not about fame.

it is all about love.

money cannot buy love.

you taught me the goodness of life. & i cannot thank you enough.

the love, care and concern together with the patience you have for me is more than enough that i can get from you.

im glad, our relationship is full of love right from our first month being together.

i love you, syazani. i really do.

I miss going shopping with baby!!

will do soon enough okay sayang?

Im off, lepak with the bestie.

Beat me, Hate Me, you can never break me.

Will me, Thrill me, you can never kill me.

oh ya, you are just like dogfood.

people do make mistakes.

2009-07-20T17:51:00.000-07:00

maybe life is not just black and white afterall. the ups and the downs. although its just too much to take in a day, what else can we do? thats life. life has its ups and downs, people have two faces, attitude counts, or not. but whatever it is, i accept that this is life. at least, it is my life.

i've met many people in life. the bitches, the jerks, the two faces, the attitude wise, the good and the bad. but nothing like these kinda people can bring me down. no-no. not ever. i have a life to lead, i have so much better things to take care of. i know who is worth my all and who isnt, not the very least bit. i have everything put to perspective and all my priorities right. its okay for those people who've think lowly of me, those who insult me, those who take advatanges of me. i should have known better afterall. be it friends or even family. cause i believe what goes around comes around.

im not those who will bear any grudges, cause what good will it do to me anyway. im no longer a six year old kid. im seventeen already and i know whats right and whats wrong and whats worth it. my life is not about hatred. my life is all about the good stuff. people maybe rich and getting all they want but its the heart thats matters most. at least i believe in it. i think you people should too. im not trying to imply that i have a good heart. but, my heart is pure and sincere.
people will always see the bad side of you. but the good side? does people even take notice?
oh well, good news will never sell.

i'll learn to have the patience and just let all unnecessary stuff pass by me, like as if it doesnt affect me. deep down inside of me, i appreciate all the good things people did to me, help me, guide me to. and yes, thanks truckloads.

maybe this matter makes me change, for the better. im glad this happen.

thanks mummy, boyfriend, bestie and elisbby who have been there for me. i appreciate it.
&mummy, we'll lead a better life just you,me,abang and aisya when we shift okay? stop tearing up. i've been thinking alot aand i realise who we are compared to nadiah and step-father. but i know the love that we share are richer than having many diamond rings, or even money.
i love you. im a lucky daughter to have you as my mummy. (':

my life's the best, although it has always been bitchy.
alhamdulilah.

grow up smelly faggot.

2009-07-19T11:37:00.000-07:00

Sorry saye curik gmbr awak yer~

met up with elisbby yesterday. damn! was it great or what?

we had so much to talk about. omgomg! i wanna wanna wanna meet this baby again again!

should ask danielis out to wild wild wet one day.

100% guaranteed, will be having lots of fun!
thanks for everything dear. for listening to my probs and these disturbance that i've been having ever since that bitch came along and ruin it. pfft.

oh ya, love ya bby! :)

we shall snap more pictures one day alright.

boyf tonned at my house and he is still sleeping soundly in my living room.

woke him up to sleep in my room, but 'siku' my head accidentally. yes, ouch ouch!

but its okay baby! :D

he's cuddling my pooh bear very tight and he looks so cute!

awwww.

school starts tmrw. drats. get me out of this education scheme.

anybody, please.

im out.

countdown to 1 year 5 months anni!

cant wait!

Pmpn macam kau.

2009-07-18T22:56:00.000-07:00

so what if im fat? so what if i have many imperfections? so what, if i have many flaws? that goes to prove that i am a normal human being who's down to earth. rather than you, who thinks so highly of yourself. who thinks that you're the boss of everyone else. so what if you think i have all these, but you couldnt bring yourself up to face me and tell it to me right in my goddamn face? whats the use of blogging about it and then private it? oh my god, simply immature.

so what if i couldnt afford some stuff? at least, i didnt go around and steal it. rather than you, who claims that your're rich, but go around from shop to shop and steal stuff that you want? at least i work hard to get the money for the things i wanna buy. pfft. and ya, go and take a bath okay. omg, going out and not bathing? just washing your hair and not changing your undergarments for days? or even months? maybe thats the reason why your boyfriend left you? have you ever thought of it? Lol fucker.

kalau kau tk puas hati ngn aku, meh sini, aku tunggu. kau tkderpape la sial. maseh yp. maseh kental. tak gune kau p crite kat orang hal aku and burokkn name aku.
cause you're not even a step ahead of me to be talking about me, bitch.
reflect yourself in the mirror and realised who you really are.

KAU BELOM KENAL SAPE PHY.

okay, nadiah? :)

dear heart, stop aching.

2009-07-10T21:53:00.000-07:00

maybe its my menses that got my emotions feeling high and low. or maybe my life has been a very rocking one. baby changed a lot, and at times, i feel like i dont know him. he is so alert, so attentive, so energetic when it comes to recording music, playing his new keyboard and playing the guitar. but when it comes to me, he's so 'dead' and he'll feel so sleepy and thus, sleep while watching the tv with me. did i mention that he would rather spend time with his music than with me? yes, its true. i dont know where did the old syazani of mine have gone to. i dont feel like his first priority anymore. its very disappointing. he doesnt care much about me anymore. he doesnt care if i'll be going to school alone or going home alone anymre.. im not asking for much. at least sacrifice a bit for me? pfft. if hes so busy with so many stuff now, aand has already occupied himself with what he love to do? why do he still need me? i don't see a need to. rather than him, neglecting me, ignoring me, i might as well, take my leave.
and, you know i dont like you being w them now, so, whats up with you going to school w them? you're so different when you're not with me. you can take your time and smoke with them and whatsoever, but with me? wth.
syazani, do you remember, me, leaving someone for you? i said in my heart, it was worth it. but after all the shits you did to me, yes, you're still worth it. but now, tell me, is it still worth it?

you're sucha dissapointment. sucha dissapointment.
i know you wouldnt be reading this. like i say, you wont bother, you dont bother. when we first got together, or even before we got together, you search for me, on the net. in school. everywhere. you even read my blog. but after we're together? pfft. sucha sweet talker mother fucker.

im being neglected, can a guy, bring me out on a date and make me laugh out loud and make me smile like i mean it. can a guy kiss me and hold my hands wherever we go. hug me and say iloveyou infront of people. and make that night out a night to remember. someone please?

i miss love and attention.

Sos.

2009-07-09T12:31:00.000-07:00

i dont know how to tell him. i dont know to start this conversation with him. i have the gut feeling that he'll blow off his top, and we'll argue blah blah blah shits. but it is seriously driving me crazy. why must i actually feel this way? can someone tell me? i know i should trust you. i know this. but something is giving me doubts about it. im feeling sad, uneasy, hurt. gahhhh. im back to square one.

shooots.

insane.

2009-07-08T16:53:00.000-07:00

am i paranoid again or what? im feeling what i used to feel again. the feeling that he's..... blah blah blah. god, help me. what is wrong with me? gahhh. & boy, i somehow feel that there's something wrong. fuck you? gahh. no no.

fuck this. bye.

I miss MJ.

happy mode.

2009-07-07T20:11:00.000-07:00

well, i guess everybody knows the news about the greatest Michael Jackson has passed away. yes, i miss him. at least i repect him and his death. rather than certain fuckers out there, who only listen to stupid makeup stories about him and trynna deny that he brings the greatest music to the world. ps ; you know nothing about music. utterly pathetic. hate me all you want, what do i care? its a pity you've got no self repect for yourself. whats more to other people.

pathetic.

enough said.

baby just bought a new keyboard. and a drum set will come rolling in to this room of his. his own home studio at home. he can jolly well jam comfortably at home now.

okay, its seriously noisy. i mean his keyboard.

pfft.

lets put that aside now. school i utterly pathetic, i tell you. timetable sucks big time!

super big time!

i hate school. i wanna quit! i wanna quit!

someone, help me.

im off.